Your Solar System Disgusts Me

I recently returned from a trip back to Orion. I engaged in the normal aging ritual, and after spending the ensuing months regurgitating the ash shoved deep within my thorax that night, I headed back to your home world.

For those of you who've never descended on the solar system from interstellar space (and at last count, only three of you have), it's hard to convey the sense of disappointment that washes over a visitor.

Orion is part of a proper binary star system. In Earthling terms, that means "two bright circles in the sky." As my ship raced towards your Sun, all I could think about was how isolated, fragile and low-rent it all looked. The fact that you can hold onto eight planets is nothing short of a miracle.

Part of the reason you get so few alien tourists is location, location, location. The first four planets a traveler comes across are gas giants. "Look, kids, another ball of stinky methane. Roll down the window and take a picture!" Mars is OK as far as freezing wastelands go, but the you have to dodge asteroids.

Finally you come across Earth. The deep blue oceans, verdant forests and towering mountains are refreshing at first - until you realize there's life down there. Seriously, it would be a tolerable place to spend the summer if the risk of a sweaty guy with a camera blowing your cover weren't so high.

So here I am - back to chronicle your planet. To be honest, and I rarely am with all of you, I'll probably spend most of the time playing Halo.

All hail Zzyzx! ::) Yep, four eyes. Deal with it, you binocular bastards.